Fear Leads To 'No'

A few days ago, I wrote about "Saying Yes to Life". This is something that I believe many people need to implement. We are conditioned by society to say no to offers. Saying 'yes' opens up experiences we otherwise would have passed on.

Today I want to touch upon the psychology behind this. Most people allow fear to control their lives. The reason I make this statement is they tend to say 'no' more often then they say 'yes'. A life filled with negative responses is one that is run by fear.

Fear always leads to 'no'. It cannot be any other way. Fear is a technique used by the mind to maintain certainty. Anytime you are pondering something different the mind determines ways that it can control the certainty you experience. Obviously, a potentially new experience means there will be some uncertainty. The mind abhors this. Therefore, it creates a bit of fear in you to get you to deny the opportunity. Operating under the status quo is preferred.

Getting out of our comfort zone is the key to an expanding life. Naturally, there is some discomfort associated with doing this. Saying yes to new challenges and opportunities is how we grow. Sadly, most stop believe their growing stops when they reach adulthood. A truly enlightened person will seek to grow more during the adult years as opposed to childhood. This is a large order since childhood is nothing but a big growth stage.

Consider the responses you have to life situations. Think about all those times that you say no to others. Is this the overriding response in your life? If it is, I would point out that you are most likely allowing fear to control you. It is the one making the decisions for you. And, it is robbing you of a wonderful life. New experiences are what make things fun and exciting. The status quo becomes boring after a short period of time. Unfortunately, many remain within their same circle for years.

Begin today to say 'yes' to life. Whatever is asked of you today, answer in the affirmative. Regardless of what it is, agree to do it (unless it puts you at physical risk). Seek out some new experiences for yourself. This will lay the foundation for a more fulfilled life. Get out of the habit of saying 'no' all the time.
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Fear: The Unseen Enemy

Have you ever stopped to consider how much fear controls the average person's life? This is the single greatest obstacle to success that exists. There is nothing else on this planet that even comes close to destroying as many dreams as fear does. The mastering of this single emotion will set you on the path to instant success.

Fear is something that exists entirely in our head. Now, when I talk about fear, I am not referring to the fight or flight instinct that humans are born with. This sort of fear is a benefit when we find ourselves in a situation where physical danger is present. The fight or flight trigger has physical benefits to ensure our survival. It is not this which stops people's progress.

When I mention fear, I am alluding to the mental creation which prevents us from taking action. It is that little voice which tells us everything is wrong. We "see" images in our minds of failure or rejection which puts us on edge. All projections are negative, thus picturing a horrific outcome. This is the fear which stops people dead in their tracks.

Fear is the unseen enemy of success. It is the overriding factor in most individual's lives. Sadly, it is not something that exists. Fear is a production of the mind. It is not something that one can touch, taste, or fear. The entire reason it is there is to prevent one from entering into the unknown.

This is the reason fear exists. The mind abhors the unknown. Instead, it prefers certainty. That being said, understand the mind will do anything to create that certainty for itself. Fear is a powerful weapon against you entering into the unknown. Anytime there is a doubt in your mind of how things will work out, fear is used to sway you from going in that direction.

Many believe the status quo is safe. They seek out security in all they do. Unfortunately, all their choices are driven by fear. It becomes their jailer. The possibility of positive outcomes are discounted since the mind doesn't experience certainty there. All that is recognized is negativity. The mind literally scares you into making the choice that fear wants you to make.

Would you allow Santa Claus to run your life? Most sane adults would say "no". Then how come these same people will allow something just as illogical to run their lives. Santa Claus is a something believed in by children. He does not exist. Rational adults know it to be true since Santa Claus cannot be seen, touched, nor heard. As was just mentioned, the same is true of fear. It simply does not exist.

Fear creeps up on you and slowly drains your life. People who suffer from procrastination are almost paralyzed by fear. Over time, individuals will lose the ability to do even the easiest of tasks. Fear exists in all they do. However, it did not start that way. It is something that patiently took hold as the years past. That is why many call it the silent killer.

Be mindful of the fear you experience on a daily basis. It is something that is robbing you blind. Ask yourself throughout the day if what you are feeling is real. Identify what is really there. If it is fear-based, you will find nothing. Remember the tricks the mind plays. Whatever it is envisioning, there is no certainty that is how the situation will resolve itself. In fact, the odds are great that the circumstances will be resolved in a way that is more favorable then what you pictured.

Like Einstein said, "I fear 10,000 things in my life, most of which never came true".
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The Power of Now

This is an age-old concept that most philosophies throughout history taught. However, it is something that is overlooked by the average person. Most people spend the majority of their time mentally in a different place.

Fear and guilt are the two emotions that people experience. When we have fear, we are projecting forward. And, of course, guilt occurs when we project backwards. Therefore, if you want to eliminate fear and guilt from your life, just stay in the moment.

It is impossible to experience either when you are mentally "present". Go ahead and try it. Try to experience fear while focusing solely on the words written here. Do not let your mind leave for an instant. If you are able to do that, you will notice that fear cannot exist. However, if fear did creep in, you must have thought about something in a future time. This is the magic of our minds. It can create feelings within us which occur at a different time.

The common thread, whether projecting forward or backwards, is negative. For these emotions to exist, one must look at the situation and determine that something "bad" is going to happen. Let me ask you a question, if you projected forward positively, do you think you will experience fear? Of course not.

We have power in this moment. This is the time that I can act. I am completely powerless over a situation in the future as well as anything that happened in the past. I cannot change any of those events. The only thing I can do is to adhere to the action I take in this moment. Naturally, it might have some impact on a future time, but the action is now.

The power of now is where life is found. It is also where all the magic in the world is located. The greatest achievers in history were able to accomplish things in the moment. Mastering the twin forces of guilt and fear is as simple as remaining at this place. There is an old saying. keep your head where your feet are. This is as accurate as it gets.

Do you want to change your life? Begin by living this moment right now. Do not think, worry, or consider anything that happened in the past. It is gone and cannot be changed. The only value to the past is to learn the lessons which can be utilized in the future. At the same time, give up fearing the future. Do not consider any time other than this moment. If you can do that, you will master these two dehabilitating forces.
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Overcoming Fear II

We spoke of the power that fear can have on us. In many situations, fear is actually the force which is in control. People allow this to stand between them and their dreams. It is sad how something that does not exist can exert such influence.

There are many strategies which help in overcoming fear and getting us to take action. However, there is one which I believe trumps all the rest. Follow this simple idea and you will be able to take action in any situation.

This involves asking one simple question: "what is the worst thing that could happen in this situation?". Come up with the answer to that question and prepare for that event. If you are prepared for the worst case scenario, then you will be able to handle whatever arises. This is a technique those who are trained in crisis management utilize.

When working with salespeople, I often find they are fearful of prospecting. The fear of rejection has the power to paralyze. This simple technique works wonders in this situation. I ask them what is the worst that happens. For example, in telephone prospecting, the worst thing that could occur is for that person to hang up (perhaps after saying a few berating words). The next question is, what would you do? Hang up the phone after hearing the dial tone is the most likely answer. Not the end of the world.

We can take this same principle into the world of dating. Many are scared to approach a person of the opposite sex for fear of being rejected. Another example: what is the worst that can happen? She can laugh and say no. Okay. Learn how to deal with that response and take action. Anything short of that will be a piece of cake to deal with.

You see, we can apply this to all fears that we have. What is the worst that is going to happen? Often we have this idea already in our head. Therefore, prepare for that outcome so that you are ready. Then, if it does happen, you can handle it.

An interesting sidenote to this technique: if you prepare for things that do not occur often enough, you will find that you tend to stop the negative thinking after a while. It takes effort to continually prepare for dire situations which never occur. After a while, one sees the insanity of his or her own thinking. The mind is playing tricks on us. Fear is just a technique for control.

Try this mind trick the next time you are fearful about something. The first couple of times you might want to write it down. In fact, keep a journal just to monitor what really happened. Note the situation, what you think will happen (worst case scenario), and your plan for dealing with it. Also write down what occurred after the situation is resolved. This will give you a record of what your mind is doing. It wont take you too long to see how fear is used to make decisions for you.
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Overcoming Fear

Everyone is afraid at times. Nobody walking this planet is exempt from fear. However, the successful are those who confront their fears by moving forward. Overcoming fear is the most basic of actions if you are going to lead a successful life.

We see many people who live in a "box" because of the fear they have. They are too fearful to strike out on their own and achieve what they truly desire. Instead, they live the dream of another. This is sad. Of course, this choice is rationalized by saying such things as "I am being responsible".

Fear exists totally in your head. It is not real. The truth is believing in fear is as effective as believing in the Easter Bunny. They both carry the same power over your life.

The only power that fear has is what you give to it. As FDR said "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". Einstein said, "I feared over 10,000 things in my life, most of which never came true". If we cease to buy into the fear, it ceases to be able to control us.

Many think that courage is the absence of fear. It is not. Courage is acting in spite of the fear that you have. This is what separates those who control fear versus those who are controlled by it.

Another truth is that it takes courage to forge your own life. Society has an effective method of modeling our behavior to it's liking. The same is true for family and friends. If you stray from the acceptable norm, you risk being chastised by others. This can be a scary proposition to many.

Often, the only thing standing between you and success is your fear. Many have the ability yet seem to "freeze" when it is time to act. They are no different then a deer caught in headlights. Fear takes control of the situation.

So, how do you overcome this? Since the problem resides in your mind, we only need a mental solution. It starts with the understanding that fear is not real. It is a mechanism the mind uses to control us. Our minds like certainty. When it is confronted with an unknown, it creates fear to move us into inactivity. This way the mind can rest in certainty.

Also, ponder what Einstein said. Most of what we expect to happen never really comes true. The mind has a way of exaggerating the negative. It tends to go to the "worst case scenario". Fortunately, in life, the worst case rarely happens. Situations usually work out much better than we anticipated. This is where the mind games are waged.

Ignore the negative self talk of your mind. It is not your friend. The best thing you can do is to remember that action is the bridge to success in any endeavor. Resist the temptation to be paralyzed by fear. Taking action, in and of itself, is overcoming fear. When we act, we are exercising our personal power. It is us, not fear, who is in control of the situation.
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No Fear

How differently would your life be if fear did not exist? Or better yet, have you ever seen those people who were not scared of anything? They seem willing to try anything. There is not a person who they would not go and talk to. Everything appears to come easy to them. They are always surrounded by a group of people. My, how we look at them with envy.

The question is "are they really any different from you?". In most ways, no. However, there is one facet that separates them from you: fear makes your decisions. That is it. You continually give in to the fear while others walk though it.

For the most part, fear is a figment of your imagination. There are those situations where it is an ally where one is physically in danger. Nevertheless, few of us face life or death circumstances on a daily basis. In reality, fear is a creation of our mind meant to avoid change. The mind abhors uncertainty. If it can maintain the status quo, that provides a level of certainty. Taking action means there is a degree of uncertainty over the results that will be gotten. This is what the minds seeks to avoid.

Think of the things that you fear. What needs to happen for you to be scared? To start, you must project. What this means is that your mind looks to a point in the future. In addition, the mind will also look at the future point in time in the negative context. Whatever the decision that you are faced with is, the mind "sees" you failing. This causes the anxiety associated with fear. Hence, we fail to take the action.

Let us use skydiving as an example. When you think of engaging in this activity, what scares you about it? Most likely the idea of hitting the ground from a great height when the parachute fails to open is high on the list. Yet, of all the people who go skydiving, how many does this happen to? Very few. The idea that you will die by skydiving is unrealistic. Your chances statistically are better of meeting your demise in an auto accident. Nevertheless, more people drive than jump out of airplanes.

Do you see how fear precludes us from taking action. Our projection over a situation is always negative. Rarely do we picture the situation happening to the positive. Let us use the example of asking someone out. How often do we see one fail to approach another because of the fear of being rejected? For this to happen, what occurred in the person's mind? Simply, he "saw" himself asking her out and her rejecting him. Never does it enter into his mind that she might say yes to his offer.

This is a fundamental part of the thought process. Gaining control over this single trait will instantly change your life. Fear is a terrible ruler and that is what it does, controls your life. Begin to be one who lives without fear. How do you do this? Start by acknowledging that it does not exist anywhere but in your mind. Also, understand most of what you fear is an illusion. It is impossible to know how a situation will turn out. Finally, when projecting, think of how everything will work to your advantage. See yourself succeeding in that particular circumstance and you will. It is the basis for all manifestation.

Become one of those who lives without fear. It is the foundation for living in freedom.
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Projection

Fear is something many are dealing with at the moment. People are in difficult situations which seem to offer no solution. We know that many are facing the loss of their homes while many others might end up following suit if unemployment increases too much. This is a reality that we are going to have to cope with.

I was sitting yesterday with someone who just lost his job. The company he worked for is experiencing a serious loss in revenue due to the slowing of the economy. Like most, they are being forced to cut back. The gentleman that I talked to was one who was let go. Sadly, it was through no fault of his own since he was a good employee for them. Again, circumstances necessitated this action.

Obviously, this individual was filled with fear. He was worried about meeting his financial obligations without the steady paycheck. This is a legitimate concern. He will need to develop some type of plan to survive this ordeal.

In chatting with him I was able to pinpoint exactly what his issue was. As you can imagine, fear is his overriding emotion at the moment. There is a lot to be scared about. However, as we all know, fear never solves anything. Listening to this emotion only serves to paralyze us from moving forward.

Most would think that this man just needed to get over the fear. That would be true if that is what his problem was. What was affecting this individual was his negative projection. That is what was causing his fear. Anytime we leave the present moment, we establish the basis for fear to exist. It is impossible for fear to enter our mindset if we are in the present moment.

I know this sounds a bit hokey but bear with me. Fear exists solely in the mind. It is a device the mind uses to maintain control in a situation. The mind likes the status quo and will do all it can to keep us from changing. However, for fear to be present, there needs to be a comparison. So, the mind looks to a future point in time and brings that projection back to the present. Hence, we have fear.

Let us look at how this man did it. He lost his job. That is the reality of the situation. This event caused the mind to consider the future with a negative viewpoint. He instantly jumped to the time when he would not be able to make the house payment (next month or the one thereafter). Then, to compound it, he went further into the future to see the bank taking his house. These events he experienced mentally in the present.

Other than losing the job, did any of this happen? No it did not. The entire scenario is a figment of his imagination. It made it all up. Could this transpire the way he envisioned it? Certainly. However, as of this moment, he is still current on his mortgage and living in his house.

I need to make one thing clear: staying in the present moment does not mean that we stick our head in the sand and ignore the world around us. Having the Pollyanna attitude with everything is a bit foolish. In this instance, there are actions this individual will need to take. However, staying in the present moment allows his to think rationally while maintaining some peace about him. That is crucial for surviving any ordeal. Survival experts teach how remaining calm is the key to survival. I agree 110%. Sticking to the present moment fosters a calm outlook. It is then that we are able to begin working on the solution to our problems.

One final thought about projection. Notice that when someone does project, it is most often in the negative. They never seem to look at a situation and think how wonderfully it all will turn out. Instead, they tend to go to the "worst case scenario". If you are going to project, does so in a positive fashion. See everything working out to your benefit. This single alone will begin to lay the foundation for an improved situation.
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Dealing With Fear

There is a lot of fear that exists with all that is going on. The media tells us each day how bad things are. It seems that every story makes the situation more and more hopeless. With all that is transpiring, why should we even carry on?

We need to remember a few things about the present circumstances. Implementing these ideas into your mindset will help you deal with the fear that is arising within you.

1. You will be alright.

This is not going to kill you. We need to remember that circumstances are temporary and recessions come and go. Many people alive today lived through the economic downturns of the 70s and 80s. They survived as will you. This too shall pass is an appropriate mantra.

2. It is never as bad as the media portrays it.

They are in the business of selling their stories. To do this, they need to capture your attention. The idea that "everything is wonderful" will not sell newspapers. Doom and gloom is their specialty. Remember that when you hear reports of how terrible everything is.

3. Fear is not real.

This is where I am losing some of you. Most of you will swear the fear you experience is real. If that is the case, go ahead and touch it. Pick it up. Move it. Fear is something that our mind creates to keep things within it's comfort zone. It is a figment of our imagination. Also, it is impossible to experience fear without leaving the present moment. For fear to exist, projection is required. Stop doing that and fear will vanish.

4. Focus on what you can control.

The stock market is going crazy and there is nothing you can do about it. A decrease in national spending is also outside you means. Concentrate on those actions which impact your life. You might not be able to control the layoffs your company is doing; however, you can focus upon making yourself as valuable as possible. Doing this empowers you in an overwhelming situation.

Keep these 4 ideas at the forefront of your mind. The end of the world is not here although many believe it is. We will all get through this. Having a good outlook is one of the most effective methods.
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Worry Quotes

Worry bankrupts the spirit. -Berri Clove

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. -Leo Buscaglia

Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. -Benjamin Franklin

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. -Dale Carnegie

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. -Thomas Edison

A hundredload of worry will not pay an ounce of debt. -George Herbert

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow. -Swedish Proverb

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. -Mark Twain

If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you. -Calvin Coolidge

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due. -William Ralph Inge

For more quotes that will improve your life, download our Free Success Quote Book here.
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Fear Of Rejection

"No" is a word we hear from the youngest of ages. It is something that parents consistently drill into their children. Toddlers and young ones are always told "no", "do not do that", or "Do not touch". This is a part of our culture which has a huge impact on our psyche. It is also on of the most destructive forms of conditioning that people receive.

Many have the fear of rejection. Hearing the word "no" strikes a cord with their esteem. The classic example is the boy who refuses to approach the girl for the date because of the fear that she will say "no". It seems that the fear of rejection is one of the strongest fears there is.

There is one other certainty in life in addition to death and taxes: not everyone is going to like all of your ideas. There is yet to be a salesperson who sold every account called upon. Regardless of how good looking a man is, not every women agreed to go out with him. Rejection is a part of life. There simply are times when people will refuse your offering. Acceptance of this point is crucial to getting ahead.

Here are three ideas for overcoming the fear of rejection:

1. Do not take it personally.

So many think take it personally when someone says "no" to them. Most times, it is not personal. There are usually other things that elicit the answer. It is common for a lack of information/failure to see a benefit to be the cause. In a business setting, for example, one does not see the value of accepting your proposition. It is not personal, just business.

2. Do not tie your esteem to the results you get.

Even is someone tells you "no" in a romantic setting, that does not change the person that you are. If you were a terrific person before, then you still are a terrific person. Who you are is not dependent upon the opinion of others. People with a healthy self esteem know this. Again, rejection is nothing personal even if it seems to be.

3. Understand life is a numbers game.

Everyone gets turned down. Success in life is contingent upon carrying on. Sales trainers teach that each no gets a salesperson one step closer to a yes. This is true in everything. Not everyone will reject your idea (or you). If the first girl turns you down, find another. The same is true for jobs, business ventures, and opportunities. When one fails to pan out, move to the next.

Rejection is not rejection unless you take it to be. Perhaps it simply was a matter of trying to sell snow to an eskimo: the opportunity/timing just was not right. Whatever the reason for the "no", live knowing that you are one-step closer to a "yes". Resist the temptation to allow the fear of failure to stop you.
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Eliminate Worry

Worry is one of the most useless activities that anyone can engage in. It is a complete fear-based emotion that can only make a situation worse off. Engaging in this practice saps one of much needed energy to create the outcomes that are desired. Also, recent research has show that many diseases and health issues are directly attributed to worrying. Doing this on a continual basis will literally take precious years off your life. For this reason, mastering this dangerous emotion is one of the most beneficial things that you can do for your health.

Everyone encounters difficult situations. By the same token, there is not a person on the planet who does not experience fear. These are facts of living the human experience. People who handle these circumstances when they arise tend to be greater successes, healthier, and happier than those who allow themselves to be eaten up by them. Focusing on all that can occur is a fruitless exercise which will only cause damage in the long run.

Many of the spiritual teachers throughout history have taught the valuable lesson of staying in the present moment. Doing this instantly eliminates worry. To worry, one must leave the 'now' and project to a point in the future. Naturally, this projection creates a result which has a negative outcome. This outcome instills a great amount of fear within us. Therefore, the individual has no choice but to dread the horrific solution that he or she created. It is so much easier to remain focused on the present moment and skip over this exercise entirely.

The human mind is a creative mechanism. When people project into the future, they tend to go to the 'worst-case' scenario. If there is going to be a bad outcome, we will conjure up the worst thing ever know to man. Personal experience shows that things rarely occur as poorly as we think they will. In fact, most circumstances get solved in a manner which is acceptable to us. Nevertheless, we drive ourselves into a complete state of fear by projecting in this way.

In addition to the negative health issues that worrying causes, it also prohibits one from taking action. It is impossible to take action when one is full of fear. We begin to avoid the situation completely. The only time anything gets done is when we have no other choice but to act. However, until that point is reached, we will succumb to the fear and procrastinate.

An easy way to handle worry is to answer three questions. Using this three step process will enable you to take the action necessary to move through any fear that you might have. Implement it into your life and watch the results instantly appear.

The first question is 'what is the worst thing that can happen in this situation'. For most, the answer comes naturally. In this instance, negative projection is helpful. Figure out what is the absolute worst outcome that can result.

Secondly, ask yourself how you can handle this outcome. If it is the worst-case scenario, figure all the ways that you can survive with that result. Anything that occurs less than what you imagine should be easy to get through.

Finally, ask yourself what steps can you take to ensure that this scenario never comes true. By taking action to prevent our worst-case conclusion we move to a better outcome. Incidentally, action is a consistent solution to worry. Move forward with the intention of creating different results.

Spending all our time focusing on all the situation that can go wrong will drive one insane. If we did this in every circumstance, we would never be able to leave the house. Can you imagine how hard it would be to drive down the street if you pondered all that could go wrong? Nobody would ever get on the road with this outlook. Simply apply this same principle to all that you fret about in your life. Use this three step process to surmount all the negative projecting that you are doing.
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