The Opinion of Others

In each Presidential election, there are roughly 90 million people who vote. Even if the winner is clearly decisive, the number of people voting against that person is above 40 million. Certainly that is a lot of people who want him or her to go away. I would imagine that one could get a bit self conscious with so many people having a negative opinion. Of course, politics, especially Presidential, is not for the thin-skinned. There are lots of ill-meaning individuals who will say anything to get under another's skin.

I experience this to a lesser degree myself. There are many instances where people write (or say) things that are negative about me or my work. This can be a real blow to the esteem if I allow it. However, I realized long ago the opinion of others matters little to me. This is how I can survive in an environment like this.

The Internet gives everyone a forum to voice their opinions. Oftentimes, people are unflattering without merit. Unlike true journalism, the facts and truth matter little. People have the ability to state whatever they want without recourse. This too is an arena for those with thick skin.

Why do I bring this all up? The message I want to deliver is that the opinions of most people matters little. There is a saying that "nobody ever erected a statue for a critic". And it is real easy to be find a critic. It seems that everybody today feels qualified to comment on any situation. Again, the Internet provides the forum for that to occur.

We all have people who are important to us: friends, family, etc... These are the ones who are closest to us and who's opinions should matter. Sadly, there are many screwed up families out there. That is why it is best to practice not placing high value on the opinions of others. The only opinion that is important is what you believe about yourself. This is the one outlook we all need to take to heart.

Esteem is something that comes from within. Our worth is derived from ourselves (and whatever your belief is about spiritual matters). We do not get our value from others. Those who look for that from those around him or her are destined to be miserable. People in the world have an agenda. Unfortunately, most would rather tear another down as opposed to lifting themselves up. This is an easier course to follow.

At the end of the day, you are the one who needs to be happy with you. Each of us has incredible talent. At the same time, we are all capable of providing something wonderful to this world. Those who spend their time seeking this outlet find they have little time to worry about opinions of others. Those who are busy doing are too busy to read the viewpoints of the critics. Of course, the critics have the time to create their viewpoints since they fail to take any meaningful action in their lives.

Be mindful of this idea the next time someone says something unkind about you. I remember what a spiritual teacher of mine once said "other's opinions of me is none of my business".
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Quality versus Quantity

I recently had an occasion to witness how someone seeks to develop her self through quantity rather than quality. Her esteem is such that she needs to surround herself with lots of people. This woman is always texting, calling, or instant messaging someone at all times throughout the day. I had the opportunity to see this first hand by going out to lunch with her. During the entire time we spent together, she never stopped interacting with others. This got my curiosity up to look a bit deeper into this.

A week later, I had the chance to meet her again. It was interesting how the low esteem is interwoven in all she does. To start, I will tell you this woman's life is chaos. She is always later no matter what. And, when I say late, it is not a few minutes. She showed up 45 minutes late to our get together. Normally, I would have left after about 15 minutes but I was interested in understanding this more. Again, when she got there, it was a similar thing. She was going a mile-a-minute the entire time. A relaxing meal was anything but that.

Not to short change my research, I was able to get with the girl in a group setting with all her friends. It was her birthday and some people threw her a party. Not surprisingly, she was late (about 40 minutes). And when she arrived, she worked the room like a pro. She was so elated to see everyone who was there. At one point during the evening, she shared how much all the people there meant to her. Many of them "saved her life". It was a heartwarming sentiment.

Why do I bring this story up? How does this pertain to quality? My interaction with this woman was numerous texts messages, a few phone calls, and 3 in-person meetings. We initially got together because we agreed to meet for a cup of coffee. What is interesting is that she has no idea that I am a writer. This is one of the major aspects of my life. Yet she has no clue about this side of me.

To me, this shows that this person is interested in quantity rather than quality. She mentioned how much our time meant to her and how she is so glad that I am in her life. It struck me as odd that someone would jump to that level so quickly. I surmise that is how it is with all her "friends". They became important to her really quick yet, in the end, she knows little about most of them. This is what happens when we focus on quantity.

Success in life is contingent upon the quality of our moments. No matter what it is that you are doing, it is the quality which you do that activity which is important. Even if it is simply washing the dishes. How well are you doing that single act? That is what makes a difference in your life.

Life is nothing but a series of moments. The goal is to make each of those moments filled with the best experiences. To do this, we need to look at our own self worth issues to determine our motivation. I like to surround myself with quality people. My esteem is such that I have no problem discontinuing interaction with another if they behave in manners unacceptable to me. People pleasing is not part of my defect list.

This woman that I just mentioned is not someone I choose to have in my life. After my observations were completed, I let the interaction go. Not surprisingly, contact on her end ceased also. Her text messages were mostly replies to inquiries I made. She was rarely the instigator. Again, I would guess this is true for most of her relationships.

Now, please do not get me wrong. This woman is a wonderful person on many different levels. There are things about her that I admire and respect her for. However, she is not someone that I believe I could ever trust. Her word cannot be believed. She repeatedly says one thing while doing another.

In the end, we must seek quality in all our relationships. It is far better to have a few close people who you know all about as opposed to a giant posse of followers. That is what I believe this woman had. The lack of trust probably went both ways with them. This is not something that I want in my life.

As mentioned, I seek out those quality relationships with others. It takes effort and work. We all know that it is something which is difficult. Nevertheless, the payoff is tremendous. At the end of the day, the only thing we truly have to bank upon is our relationship with other people. Those who are closest to us are the ones who really matter.
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