Managing Expectations

Did you ever heave your heart set on getting a particular gift for Christmas as a child only to be disappointed on the big day? If you are a normal human, you did. We all suffered this fate at least once in our life. Sadly, even if we got everything else that we wanted, we focused on the missing toy. This ruined the entire event for us.

Looking back over these times, what was the cause of our disappointment? Obviously, most people would respond by saying that their parents destroyed Christmas by not getting them what they wanted. This is a blamer mentality. It is also one that leads to lifelong misery since this habit is ingrained deeply.

The truth is that what was received for Christmas is irrelevant. When we experience disappointment in situations such as these, it is because we fail to manage our expectations. When our expectations are set too high, the natural result is disappointment. Therefore, the key to happiness is to lower our expectations.

This concept applies equally to situations, people, and companies. When we expect too much from another person, as an example, we are let down because they suffer from the disease called humanness. People will fail periodically. When they do, if we place too much on them, we will suffer ill emotional consequences.

Managing expectations is at the core of most spiritual disciplines. When we expect too much, we fail to be grateful for what we receive. At the same time, we tend to concentrate upon that which is missing instead of what is there. For example, how often do you expect to attend a fabulous party only to be let down when it isnt the blowout you pictured in your mind. The expectation created the dissatisfaction, not the party.

If you expect nothing, you cannot be disappointed. The happiest people in the world have the ability to "go with the flow". They do not get upset when things go other than planned. They remain emotionally flexible appreciating each moment. This is a recipe for happiness and peace.

Today, as you progress through your day, witness how your expectations impact your emotional state. Are there times where you get upset when things dont happen as you wish. Are you expecting too much of another (or yourself) which causes you unhappiness? How much happier would your day be if you simply accepted things as they occurred without a thought of how things should be? Witness your thoughts in this area for a few days while trying to cancel out some of your expectations. You will be a happier person.
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Why The Anger?

Have you ever noticed how people carry around anger with them for years? There are those who want to carry things with them eternally. We see this with political people on television. This also arises when one refers to an ex. It always baffles me how bitter people are even decades later. Makes you wonder if the payoff the person is experiencing is worth the grief it causes.

Why are people so angry? It is crucial to remember that anger is the way that people typically mask fear. When they are angry, they are really covering for a fear they have. Throwing themselves into a stage of rage often is how they believe they are maintaining control. Of course, watch someone in this state and you will see how out-of-control they really are.

Anger comes out in many ways. One of the most common is in the form of negativity. We all have encountered those people who are pessimistic about everything. No matter how things are progressing, they will find the dark cloud. It is as if they go out of their way to find fault with everything.

Naturally, we find these people rarely experience moments of happiness. People who want enjoyment in life choose not to seek all the negative that exists. Here is a simple truth: everyone has bad circumstances. Nobody is exempt from the ups and downs of life. The difference is in how people respond to the situations they encounter.

Take the example of the person who is still sore at an ex-spouse after a decade of more. When is that person going to let it go? The sad truth is probably never (unless he or she is reading this). Holding onto a resentment plants the seeds of death. It is impossible to be happy when one harbors such hatred.

The bottom line is that many people had rotten parents, got into bad marriages, had bosses who were jerks, or were fired through no fault of their own. Get over it. Being angry at something that happened in the past is what children do. Yet, they have the uncanny ability to wipe the slate clean as soon as the next television show comes on. They let bygones be bygones.

Anger only offers the illusion of working. The bottom line is that the one who is angry is the one to suffer. Rarely is the one who is the target of the anger affected. However, the one who chooses to get angry always suffers.

A large part of my journey into growth was to overcome the deep-seeded hatred and anger I had for people and past situations. Certainly I was wronged many times. In fact, there are still circumstances where I get the short-end of the stick without provocation. Yet, at the end of the day, it is not worth getting upset over. My life is within my control. I refuse to allow someone else to occupy too much space in my head. This removes the natural inclination to devise schemes to get revenge. I move on with my life while learning a lesson.

Remember, anger kills.
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